


Moving On and Letting Go

by Billxbesitztxmeinxherz



Category: EXOPlanet, SHINee
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-30
Updated: 2012-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-06 08:49:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Billxbesitztxmeinxherz/pseuds/Billxbesitztxmeinxherz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kai and Taemin have been friends for quite some time. But when the exclusive music label SM Entertainment recruits Taemin, Kai can’t help but worry that his friend will leave him behind. Worse yet, how is Kai supposed to confess his feelings for Taemin when it seems competition is closing in from all angles—mainly Taemin’s band mate Choi Minho? A story of struggling to find’s one’s place in the world in the hectic time that is puberty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Pairings: Kim Jongin|Kai (EXO)/Lee Taemin, Choi Minho/Lee Taemin

_Fall 2002_

The sound of crying, but not just any crying, but the sound of Taemin crying was enough to stop Jongin in his tracks. 

 

The boy turned on his heel quickly to spot his friend further down the narrow alley they’d been running through, hands cupping his knee as the older boy sobbed. School had just let out, it was time for the two little primary school students to have fun, maybe even get some candy, before heading back to one or the other’s house. It was not, however, time for Taemin to be crying… not as long as Jongin could do something about it.

 

“Taemin!” Jongin rushed to his friend’s side, hands fluttering nervously around the crying boy unsure where to start. “Are you okay?”

 

“It hurts!” Taemin sniffed, face an angry red color, “Jonginnie, I cut my knee when I fell!”

 

“Let me see.” Jongin’s brow creased. 

 

“No.” Taemin shook his head furiously, “It stings!”

 

“Tae at least let me look, okay?” Jongin kept his eyes trained on the boy. At age eight there was really little the boy could do but get help from an adult, but it was a noble gesture on Jongin’s part when he told Taemin to hold his hand and close his eyes. 

 

“I’m going to look now, okay?” Jongin squeezed Taemin’s hand tightly and the dark haired boy nodded, eyes closed tightly. “Ready? Three, two, one…”

 

Jongin carefully moved aside the ripped material of the other boy’s jeans and frowned at what he saw. Taemin had badly cut his knee on some glass that had been in the alley, the area was skinned raw and there was still a brown shard implanted within the older boy’s knee. Jongin swallowed nervously and made the mistake of looking to Taemin who had broken his promise to keep his eyes close and was watching Jongin apprehensively. 

 

“Is it that bad?” Taemin screeched, but before Jongin to open his mouth, Taemin was crying again. “I’m going to get in so much trouble! Mom told me not to wear my new jeans to school but I wanted to show you! Mom’s going to ground me now!”

 

“W-what?” Jongin blinked, staring back to the nasty gash in the boy’s knee. “Tae, you’re really hurt. I don’t think your mom-”

 

“My jeans!” Taemin sobbed, clutching pathetically at his knee once more. “Mom’s going to kill me!”

 

Despite their slight age difference, Jongin and Taemin were in the same class in school. Jongin was young for their grade but acted far older. Taemin was just the right age for their grade but acted far younger. The two had met in school and after discovering their common interest in the swings at recess, were inseparable. Their friendship was balancing act as both had very strong personalities but their differences worked to their benefit. While Taemin’s loud boisterous attitude made up for Jongin’s shyness, especially around new people, Kai’s calmness and ability to properly assess a situation made up for Taemin’s sometimes rash decision making. 

 

“Hyung.” Jongin fixed Taemin with a hard look and the boy shut up immediately, embarrassed as Taemin was yet again reminded of whom was the senior in the situation. “We should go tell your mom and see if you need to go to the doctor.”

 

“But I don’t like the doctor’s office.” Taemin whispered, ducking his head, “It smells funny and the doctor has cold hands.”

 

“Well,” Jongin brushed some thing black hair from the boy’s forehead, “We won’t know if you need a doctor or not if we don’t tell your mom.”

 

“She’s going to ground me.” Taemin groaned, staring at his ripped jeans miserably and Jongin sighed. 

 

“Come on,” Jongin said lightly, wrapping his arm under Taemin’s and prompting the boy to stand up, “I’ll just tell her it was my fault then.”

 

“Huh?” Taemin adjusted himself and leaned his weight against his friend. The older boy’s knee really wasn’t hurt to the point where he needed help to walk, as Jongin was assisting him in now, but Taemin liked being babied and Jongin always indulged him. Jongin pulled Taemin’s arm across the back of his shoulders and held the boy’s hand in his own while using the other to wrap around the older boy’s waist. 

 

“I’ll just tell your mom that I pushed you when we were playing and that you fell. I don’t mind.” Jongin shrugged as they made their way off towards the Lee household.

 

“But then you’re going to get in trouble with your mom.” Taemin was watching his friend interestedly now and Jongin swallowed, face heating up slighting under the dark haired boy’s gaze. 

 

“Like I said, I don’t mind. I’m not a big mama’s boy like you are anyways.” Jongin pinched Taemin’s side and the boy yelped.

 

“Jonginnie!” Taemin whined before breaking out into a smile. Jongin smiled back at is friend, watching how the sunlight caught the faintest highlights of auburn in the boy’s hair. Jongin took in how Taemin’s eyes sparkled when he laughed or how beautifully his pink lips spread to reveal a row of pearly white teeth. Taemin turned his gaze back to his friend and Jongin looked away quickly, confused as to why he’d been having strange thoughts like this lately. 

 

“You’re the best friend ever.” Taemin grinned and Jongin merely grunted, too caught in Taemin’s smile.

 

Jongin knew he’d receive a scolding from his mother once Mrs. Lee would probably call her to let her know that Jongin shoved Taemin and cut his knee. Jongin knew that his mother would say that he’d get a toy or privilege taken away for a week but then cave after a few days just because he was such a good boy. Jongin knew all this but he really didn’t mind. 

 

As long as Taemin kept smiling, as long as Jongin was the one to cause that smile, everything was fine. 

***

_Spring 2005_

Jongin wasn’t quite sure he heard right but he smiled and nodded anyways. 

 

It was during morning classes that Taemin had come running in, a goofy grin slapped on his face, as he babbled off about some sort of audition that had taken place that weekend. Auditions were common for Jongin and Taemin, after all Jongin had auditioned tons of times for roles in his ballet and jazz recitals, so Jongin didn’t see what the big deal was.

 

“Did you get it then?” Jongin asked unsurely.

 

“Jonginnie! Duh!” Taemin rolled his eyes as if the boy were stupid, “Of course I did! Isn’t it great!”

 

“Wait, is it for a show or…?” Jongin squinted and Taemin swatted him on the head.

 

“Weren’t you listening to anything I was saying? Gosh Jonginnie, you really need to focus more when people are talking to you. I went to this audition this weekend with SM Entertainment and I got selected! They already sent over a contract for my parents to look over and everything!”

 

“What? SM Entertainment? You mean like the company that made H.O.T.?” Jongin laughed, “Tae, what the fuck?”

 

“Don’t laugh! It’s true!” Taemin huffed, crossing his arms over his chest indignantly and kicking his friend lighting in the shin. “They said they’re looking for people to be in a boy’s group. I’m going to be a music star!”

 

“Yeah, yeah!” Jongin laughed, crumpling up a piece of paper and throwing it as his friend, “I’ll believe it when I see it! You can’t even rap, Tae! Are you sure they didn’t mistake you for a girl and are going to put you in a girl’s group!”

 

“Jonginnie! That’s not funny!”

***

_Summer 2005_

It wasn’t until that summer that Jongin really started to believe the truth in Taemin’s claim. He’d tried calling over to the Lee household several times to see if Taemin wanted to hang out at the park or go to the pool, only to have Taesun pick up the phone and say that Taemin wasn’t home. 

 

It went on like this for weeks and Jongin was starting to getting frustrated. It wasn’t like Taemin was his only friend, but Taemin was his _best_ friend, and Jongin hadn’t seen him since school ended. 

 

But finally, about a month into the summer, Jongin received a phone call from Taemin requesting that they meet up that night at the park to catch up. Taemin had sounded a little weird over the phone but Jongin missed his friend and was eager to ask about what he’d been so busy with. 

 

And so Jongin now found himself sitting aimlessly on the swings, streetlamps buzzing in the background, as he checked his phone for the time once more. It was starting to get late and Taemin was supposed to be there fifteen minutes ago.

 

“Jongin!” A voice shouted in his ear and the boy jumped, startled eyes finding Taemin’s smiling face as he sat down on the swing besides him. “Hey!”

 

“Jeez Taemin!” Jongin clutched at his rapidly beating heart and looked his friend over, “What was that for? Don’t be such a jerk next time!”

 

“I’m sorry.” Taemin laughed, reaching out to punch his friend lightly. “I just haven’t seen you in so long and you were just sitting there...I couldn’t resist!”

 

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” Jongin mumbled, touching his fingers to cheeks to see if they were still as flaming hot as they felt. 

 

“So where have you been?” Jongin kicked the side of Taemin’s swing and sent the boy spiraling. Taemin merely laughed and grabbed onto to Jongin’s arm to take him along for the ride too.

 

“I’ve been training! Sorry I haven’t had time to return your calls but it’s just they been keeping us so busy and I’m really tired when I get home at night. We start at eight so I have to take the bus pretty early and then I don’t get home until nine at night.”

 

“So you weren’t kidding? You’re actually training with SME?” Jongin said with slight awe in his voice as he looked at his friend in a new light. “Do you really think they’ll pick you to be in a group or something?”

 

“They already have started to kind of group people that they like together. I’ve been paired with this guy from Daegu during our dancing sessions a lot but we don’t really talk. He’s kind of stuck up and intimidating.” Taemin shrugged.

 

“But you do have friends there right? Everyone is being nice to you? No one had said anything mean?” Jongin asked concerned, placing a hand gently on his friend’s shoulder.

 

“Yeah everyone’s nice… well no one has said or done anything mean to me but that’s because everyone just sorta keeps to themselves. I’m one of the youngest there so it’s difficult to make friends. I don’t want to say something stupid and have everyone laugh at me.”

 

“Hmm.” Jongin was unsure what advice he could offer for that statement. “Are you at least having fun?”

 

Taemin picked up his head and shot Jongin a smile. 

 

“Jonginnie! What are you, my mother? I’m fine! Don’t worry about me. So what have you been doing all summer? I remember you were thinking about joining the summer baseball team. Did you end up doing that?”

 

“Hmm? Yeah, no, err I mean, well no.” Jongin scratched at his neck. He didn’t want to say that he’d basically done nothing for the past four weeks, refusing to go outside for too long periods of time incase Taemin called. “I’ve been helping out my parents a lot.”

 

“Oh that’s nice.” 

 

“Yeah.” Jongin stared down at his feet and wondered when talking had become so strained between them. “Taemin?”

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“We’re friends right?” Jongin whispered, peeking shyly from the corner of his eye at his friend. The boy was watching him curiously, head titled, eyes blinking rapidly in that funny habit Taemin had always had since they were little. 

 

“Of course, what else would we be? You’re a like a brother to me, Jongin.” Taemin’s words were meant to comfort his friend but they only made Jongin feel agitated. 

 

“There’s a girl at school who keeps walking by my house everyday. My mom says that she has a crush on me or something.” Jongin said suddenly and Taemin squinted in confusion.

 

“Huh? Who? I want to know! Is it Chan Sook? She’s always asking to switch to your team in gym class!” The older boy bubbled excitedly. 

 

“Um… yeah it is.”

 

“Are you going to ask her to a movie or something?”

 

“No, I don’t think so.”

 

“Well why not?” Taemin demanded and Jongin stared at his friend for a long moment. The frustration and confusion that had been playing across Taemin’s features soon faded to a look of surprise and understanding. There was desperation in Jongin’s eyes that could not be interpreted as anything else.

 

“Because I don’t like Chan Sook…” Jongin’s heart was spasming now, blood rushing to his ears, as he internally fought over whether now was the right time to voice his feelings or not. 

 

Jongin wasn’t sure when that childish admiration for Taemin, a boy who was not shy and could make friends with anyone, had morphed into deeper feelings of romance. They had been friends, they considered each other brothers, but Jongin cared for Taemin so much more than that. There was a feeling of pride Jongin experienced whenever he protected or comforted Taemin. It was as if his heart was shouting out to the world that Taemin was Jongin’s and Jongin was Taemin’s. They understood each other better than anyone else in their lives at the moment and it hadn’t taken long for Jongin to fall for Taemin. Taemin was like the best of worlds: he was a boy in that Jongin and him could go play war and roughhouse together but like a girl in appearance and one that Jongin found himself staring at longer with each day. Taemin’s hair was still relatively short but to Jongin, someone that had known him for almost his whole life, the slightest longer bit of fringe resulting from a few missed haircut appointments made Taemin look all the more feminine. 

 

Now was Jongin’s chance. Now was the perfect time, during a warm lazy summer night when the stars were out and the cicadas were singing overhead, for Jongin to finally confess. He hadn’t originally planned it out this way or to for this to happen so soon, but Jongin couldn’t help but feel that if he didn’t say something now, he may not have another chance in the future.

 

“Tae,” Jongin whispered, boldly reaching out to hold the other’s hand, “I… I…”

 

The blood was pounding in Jongin’s ears now, hands sweaty, throat working against the dryness that had settled in there, as he struggled to formulate his words. Jongin knew he was shaking badly but he couldn’t help it, not when it felt like his heart was about to burst out from his chest. It was now or never, all Jongin had to do was say something. Just say something, anything!

 

“I don’t think we can be friends anymore.” Taemin said softly before Jongin could get the words out. 

 

“W-what?” Jongin wheezed as if the air had been knocked from him. He let go of Taemin’s hand instantly and turned to face his friend, stomach dropping out as the older boy refused to meet his gaze. 

 

It was cold. It was a numbing coldness that overtook Jongin’s body now as his mind worked furiously to process the words he had just heard. Jongin must have not been listening carefully again just as Taemin always said, there was no way that…

 

“I don’t think we should be friends anymore.” Taemin repeated, this time a bit louder.

 

“T-Tae,” Jongin said shakily, hands trembling, “I don’t understand. What… what do you mean we can’t be friends anymore?”

 

“I’m moving into the trainee dorms at SME in a week to better prepare myself. Between training and school, I just won’t have time to live like this anymore.” _I just won’t have time for you_ , is what is sounded like to Jongin.

 

“I thought I should tell you now before the summer is completely over. Taesun told me that you’ve calling everyday and I don’t want you waiting around like that. I know it’s hard for you to make new friends but I’m really sorry, Jongin.” It was Jongin this time, not Jonginnie, or JongJong, just Jongin. 

 

Taemin was being serious.

 

“We can still be friend.” Jongin whispered, eyes wide as he stared at Taemin’s hand that he’d been holding just moments ago, “We can hang out on the weekends when you come back to visit your parents or I can take the bus out there to visit you.”

 

“I’m going to start spending more time with the other trainees on the weekends so that I can have more friends for my new life.”

 

“Y-your new life?” Jongin said weakly, “But what about this life? What about the past five years we’ve been friends? What about summer festivals or going to clinic football together or weekend crafts club?”

 

“Stop it.” Taemin whispered, turning his body away from his friend. 

 

“What about sleepovers or going to the beach or walking home together after school?”

 

“Stop it, Jongin.” Taemin pleaded but the younger was far from over.

 

“What about promising to be friends forever? What about agreeing to join the dance team in secondary school? What about all of that? You just can’t erase the old you, Taemin! That’s not possible!” Jongin shouted; tears that he hadn’t even realize he’d begun to shed rolling down his face.

 

“Stop shouting at me!” Taemin screamed, shaking his head furiously as he began to cry too. “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Don’t yell at me!”

 

“You can’t just stop being friends with someone. It takes two people to be friends so one person just can’t end it! I don’t agree to this, I don’t agree to us stopping being friends.” Jongin said defiantly and Taemin kicked furiously at the dirt beneath the rusty swings. 

 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt!” Taemin snapped. 

 

“Huh?” Jongin was starting to get riled up again. Taemin wasn’t making any sense and all Jongin wanted to do was scream.

 

“You get weird when I make new friends! You’ve spent your entire summer waiting for me to call you! I am your only friend! You’re going to get hurt, Jongin. I’m making new friends at SM I have to for my career. I don’t want you getting hurt when I start hanging out with new people.”

 

“Then I’ll just be friends with them too!” Jongin tried but Taemin was frowning now, all the cheery merriness that Jongin was used to wiped from his face.

 

“And what about when I finally get placed in a group. I can already tell, Jongin, they’re starting to figure out who works well with whom. They’re rearranging the groups everyday and matching us against the other. I’m going to have to become friends with my band mates, really good friends, to further our career. Can’t you understand that?”

 

The younger boy said nothing for a moment, head hung as he clenched his fists at his sides. Taemin was talking about leaving him, leaving him to go become friends with some new people and Jongin wouldn’t be included. Taemin was going to create a new path for himself in life and Jongin wasn’t going to be any part of it. 

 

“What career?” Jongin sneered before he could stop himself. It wasn’t like him to say such harsh things but anger was fueling Jongin’s words now. “You’re twelve! What career can a twelve year old have? Don’t fool yourself, Taemin, plenty of people wash out as trainees. Just because you made it past the auditions doesn’t mean that you get to become a star. If you don’t want to be friends anymore then fine! But don’t come back crying to me when your little fantasy world comes to an end! So go and have fun with your stupid new friends in your stupid new band! Because this dream of yours is stupid!”

 

With that Jongin jumped up from the swings and began to run back towards his house. He could hear Taemin’s shocked gasp when he first stood up, he could hear Taemin’s sobs as he broke out into a run, and he most certainly could hear Taemin’s angered cries after him when he exited the playground. 

 

“Don’t say that! How dare you insult my dreams Kim Jongin! I will be a star you just wait! I don’t ever want to see your face again. Do you hear me? I never want to talk to you again Kim Jongin! Ever! I hate you!”

 

Those words continue to haunt Jongin for the next two years. They would wake him up night or fill his head when he sat alone in school. Life moved on without Taemin but Jongin could not seem to forget. He regretted saying those things to Taemin because they were childish but most importantly not true. Jongin admired Taemin’s dream of becoming a professional singer and dancer, it was one that Jongin shared as well. But Jongin was never as brave as Taemin, never as loud as Taemin, never quite enough for anything it seemed.

 

Jongin wanted to apologize but he didn’t know how. Often he’d walk by the Lee household and stare longingly at the window he knew used to belong to Taemin. Occasionally he’d hear from other students that Taemin would return on holidays to be with his family but Jongin couldn’t bring himself near their home at those times. Those words would chase Jongin away and thwart his attempts at apologizing.

 

For two years life went on like this for Jongin. For two years Jongin would freeze up whenever people mentioned an open audition for SM Entertainment. It would take two years for Jongin to muster up his courage and realize that he wanted the same life as Taemin. And after these long hard two years, Jongin finally made his move at the Youth Best Contest. It was finally Jongin’s turn to shine. 

 

***

_Fall 2007_

 

Jongin doesn’t quite believe it when he hears the news. The week prior he had entered a talent contest consisting of singing and dancing run by SM Entertainment. 

 

Jongin had won.

 

But now the proof of his success was here, sitting before him in the form of a perfect little sealed envelope that no doubt contains his contract for his parents to review. This was the beginning of something new, something real, and something that Jongin could be proud of. This was something Jongin had done for himself, despite his parents’ questioning if he was simply entering the contest to be with Taemin, and he had succeeded. 

 

At age thirteen, Jongin has finally started to grow. He’s taller now but his body still held his lithe figure from childhood… but lithe was good. The agents had told him that. His hair had grown longer, he’d started stylizing it more now that he was to be a star, and he’d even started minding what he wore as well. It was important to make a good impression, Jongin’s parents always told him. And there was no one Jongin wanted to impress more than the panel at SME. 

 

Lately thoughts of Taemin had become scarce. Jongin occasionally found himself wondering what his former friend was doing at the same moment he was but Jongin could no longer really recall what the older boy looked like. He’d been quick to put away all pictures documenting their past together and now all that Jongin could envision in his mind was silky black hair and smiling pink lips. Taemin had become a blur in Jongin’s mind and for the first ever, the younger boy felt that he was ready to move on with his life. That he now possessed the strength to move on to his new life, a life without Taemin.

 

But unfortunately it seemed that the universe had a different plan in mind.

 

It was about four months into training that Jongin had been placed with eleven other boys on a continuous basis. It was safe to assume that these boys would probably end up paired with Jongin in a group in the future but there were twelve of them in total. That was big for a group and some of the boys were Chinese. Jongin wasn’t exactly sure what the handlers had trained, or if they planned on cutting some out as time progressed, so Jongin gave it his all each and every day regardless of what kind of session it was. As Jongin became friends with this group of new boys, he started to realize what Taemin had been trying to explain before. It was fun hanging out with people who were in a similar situation as you, shared similar goals to you, and understood the extraordinary amount of effort it took to get there. 

 

Jongin found himself changing. He was no longer the heartbroken little boy that had been left behind when his friend moved on. Jongin was no longer the loner kid at school that only spoke when it was to speak up in the protection of others too weak to protect themselves. Jongin began to talk more, he began to laugh more, and most importantly his dancing and singing abilities improved greatly. 

 

It was about six months into training that Jongin first spotted some of the senior trainees in SME. It was a late Thursday evening, the weekend was arriving soon so many trainees were talking about plans for the weekend, when two curious heads popped in through the door. One head belonged to an older boy with cat eyes and a heart-shaped face who peeked in through the door to survey the group while the other belonged to a shorter boy with a square jaw and squinty eyes. The two whispered amongst themselves, trying and failing to be subtle, before they were ducking back out into the hallway. 

 

Curious and in need of water, Jongin decided to follow them. No one seemed to really notice or care that Jongin had left the practice room as the boy was careful to trail the two older boys down the hall. He walked quietly, clenching his water bottle tightly as it offered his only excuse as to why he was walking in the same direction as the two. While Jongin was worried about being called out, he was also so desperately wanted to at least catch of a glimpse of what it took to become a senior trainee. These two boys were probably already assigned to a group and were in the middle of rigorous training for their debut. Jongin couldn’t help but hope that would be him in another year or so.

 

“Did you see that? There’s a fair amount of girls this time around.” The boy with the square jaw nudged the other. The boy with the cat eyes scoffed and shoved the other back good-naturedly. 

 

“They’re younger than you Jonghyun so don’t even think about it. Besides, more than half of them are taller than you.” 

 

“Hey that’s not funny!” The one called Jonghyun moved to shove the other boy again but the latter easily evaded the attack with a simple twist. The cat eyes boy laughed and Jonghyun huffed in frustration, “Kibum!” He whined.

 

“Jjong!” The cat eyes boy mimicked the other. Suddenly the boy’s eyes were darting in Jongin’s direction and the younger boy froze. He’d been discovered.

 

“Hey, you.” Kibum said and Jongin’s face burned as he quickly scurried towards the water fountain.

 

“I was just getting water.” Jongin said in a rush of words as he fumbled desperately with the faucet. 

 

“Hey!” Jonghyun beamed, rushing over towards Jongin who was frozen in fear. “You’re a new trainee right? Right?”

 

“I wasn’t following you guys or anything. I just really needed water and it was in this direction.” Jongin’s face burned and Kibum laughed. 

 

“Aww look at how embarrassed he is.” Kibum cooed, reaching out a hand and tenderly stroking Jongin’s shoulder. “You don’t have to be nervous. We were in your same position once too. So, what’s your name?”

 

“Uh…” Jongin snuck at glance at the two older boys, surprised that he wasn’t getting laughed at or being called a stalker. “I’m Kim Jongin.”

 

“We have the same family name then. I’m Kim Kibum and this is Kim Jonghyun.” The older boy smiled brightly and now that Jongin listened more carefully, the cat eyes boy had a slight accent. It was difficult to distinguish some of Kibum’s words but Jongin could understand him perfectly if he listened closely enough. 

 

“Cool.” Jongin offered up, “So um… you guys are senior trainees, right?”

 

“Yeah we’re two years into training now. Jonghyun and I are in a group of five but the other three don’t really speak with us as much. What about you? Have they figured out where you best fit yet?”

 

“They’re still evaluating now. Nothing is final.” Jongin shrugged and Jonghyun clapped a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“We feel your pain.” The boy sighed and nodded, “First year is a nightmare.”

 

“Hmm.” Kibum hummed in agreement as his eyes scanned down the hall. “Speaking of which, there’s two of our group members now. Hey Minho! Taeminnie! Come over here, I want you guys to meet someone!”

 

Jongin froze for a moment, mentally scolding himself for reacting to the name Taemin. There were plenty of people named Taemin in the world. It was a common enough name right? But then Jongin was looking down the hall to where Kibum was and his heart stuttered. 

 

That was Lee Taemin walking down the hallway towards him there was no mistaking it. Jongin instantly recognized the boy’s frame and his serene smile. The boy had barely changed since Jongin last saw him but apparently Jongin had quite a lot considering that Taemin didn’t even seem to recognize him as the pair approached. 

 

“Minho, Taemin, this is one of the new trainees Kim Jongin. We were just talking about how horrible the first year of training is.” Kibum gestured towards Jongin but the younger boy was frozen stiff. 

 

“First year? This whole process is taxing! You’ll get through it though. I’m Choi Minho by the way.” The boy next to Taemin stuck out his hand. Jongin’s eyes rounded as he took in the features of the older boy. He was tall, a good head taller than Taemin and Jongin only came up to his chest. His body was incredibly muscular and Jongin was instantly intimidated. The boy wore a warm smile on his face, hand firmly stuck out and Jongin stared at it.

 

“You’re supposed to shake it.” Minho explained, taking Jongin’s hand in his and pumping it. “It’s a Western thing.”

 

“Minho’s a freak.” Jonghyun threw in and the taller boy was instantly rounding on the shorter, eyes burning with unspoken threats. Kibum scoffed and said something about acting like children but Jongin wasn’t exactly listening. Instead his eyes were locked on Taemin who was now staring back at him in shock, eyes round and mouth slightly agape. 

 

“Jonginnie?” The words left Taemin’s lips like honey and Jongin could have melted at that moment. It was Jongin but Jonginnie, Taemin was using nicknames with him still.

 

“Huh?” Kibum was now looking between the two and Jongin just gapped at his old friend like a fish. 

 

“Jongin!” Taemin squealed at his friend’s shocked expression. The older boy launched himself forward and flung his arms around Jongin’s neck. Jongin could only simply catch him and inhale the familiar scent that was Taemin’s strawberry shampoo. Taemin smelt like home, Taemin felt like home, and a lovesick smile spread across the younger boy’s face. 

 

“Taemin who is this?” Kibum asked curiously and Taemin was pulling away all too quickly for Jongin’s liking. 

 

“This is Jongin! We used to go to primary school and take dance lessons together! We live in the same district. Oh my god I can’t believe this! Jonginnie! What are you doing here? You’re a trainee now?” Taemin bubbled.

 

“I auditioned and got in.” Jongin said rather vaguely, “It was on a bet by some friends but I’m serious about it now.”

 

“That’s fantastic! Are they letting you dance? You have to show them your dancing if you haven’t already!” Taemin was all smiles and Jongin found himself breaking out into an uncontrollable smile. 

 

This was nice; talking and catching up with Taemin as if nothing bad had ever happened between them. As if Taemin had never uttered those horrible words that haunted Jongin for two years. It was almost as if they were friends again and now that Jongin was reminded of what he had been missing, he started to crave it terribly again. 

 

“Yeah I have…Have you been dancing as well?”

 

“Well now we have two dancing machines in the company now?” Kibum raised an eyebrow and Jonghyun was squinting at all of them in what appeared to be confusion. 

 

“Oh! Jongin is really good at dancing! We’ve been competitive for years now and Jongin has a lot of skill.” Taemin praised and Jongin blushed, ducking his head and looking shyly at his friend. Everyone was grinning, well everyone but Minho, who was staring very intensely at Jongin now. 

 

“There will be plenty of time to catch up later.” Minho spoke up, wrapping a possessive arm around Taemin’s shoulder. Jongin’s heart sank at this, especially when Taemin didn’t even seem to notice it was so natural. 

 

“Ah yes. We have to get back to vocal practice but we should all meet up sometime for dinner!” Kibum smiled and Taemin nodded enthusiastically. 

 

“Kibum, you forget. Jongin is probably incredibly tired after returning from practice. He’ll need his sleep to recover for the next day so going out at night probably wouldn’t be the best.” Minho smiled tightly at Jongin and the younger’s brow furrowed in confusion. Despite the older boy’s smile there was something off about that seemingly friendly advice. Minho’s smile did not reach his eyes and instead Jongin found a look of intense jealously and hostility there. The younger took a step backwards, caught off guard at such a violent reaction. 

 

“That’s true.” Jonghyun hummed in agreement.

 

“Maybe on one of the weekends then?” Taemin suggested and Kibum declared that it was settled. 

 

“It was nice meeting you, Jongin!” Jonghyun called as he turned to leave.

 

“If you ever need anything, you call me okay?” Kibum smiled sweetly and set off after Jonghyun. The two were halfway down the hallway when Taemin pulled out from Minho’s grasp and engulfed his friend in a hug.

 

“It’s good to see you, Jonginnie.” Taemin’s breath was hot against Jongin’s ear. “I’m so happy for you. I really am.”

 

“Bye Jongin.” Minho nodded before taking Taemin’s hand in his, “Come on, Tae. Let’s get back to practice before Jinki scolds us all for being late. You don’t want to get fined.”

 

“Ugh let’s go.” Taemin agreed, letting himself be led away by Minho.

 

Jongin stared after them, taking in everything from how utterly beautiful Taemin still was to how unsettlingly possessive Minho’s attitude towards the younger boy was. Taemin’s body gave off the vibes of being friends but Jongin could see that Minho’s intentions were quite different. The older boy unnecessarily touched Taemin more than necessary and let his eyes linger on Taemin’s mouth. 

 

Taemin turned around when they were just about the turn the corner and waved merrily at his friend. Jongin waved back, smile plastered tightly across his face, while his eyes found Minho’s. Then the pair turned the corner and was out of sight. 

 

Jongin sighed and began to head back towards the dance studio.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taemin birthday fic shazaa

_Summer 2009_

Nothing lasts forever. Those were words that Jongin of people should have known. 

In the spring of 2008, barely even a full year since Jongin had joined the company, it became Taemin’s turn to take yet another step even further away from Jongin. It had been bad enough when Taemin was a senior trainee in the company while Jongin was still a newbie but this took the cake. For in May of 2008, it was Taemin’s turn to shine in his own group so aptly named SHINee. 

It had been the final straw. Taemin was now living his life’s dream, he had fulfilled those words that were spoken so softly in the dark of night all those years ago back in the boys’ hometown. Taemin was living his dream.

And Jongin was stuck as a trainee still. 

Taemin began doing live performances, posing for photoshoots, selling albums, traveling the world. Jongin was still attending vocal and dance lessons everyday. The older boy’s hair changed through a variety of shades ranging from black to blonde. Jongin had been instructed to grow out his hair and tone up a bit. Taemin became beloved by the teens of South Korea. Jongin was still a nobody who fangirls waiting outside the building wouldn’t even spare a second glance to. Girls that weren’t there for Jongin but for _Taemin_. 

Time had flown so quickly once Taemin’s group debuted. They no longer came to the dance studio when the trainees were there. In fact, Jongin rarely saw Taemin in the building at all anymore… and when he did? It was painful. 

Those encounters had been awkward for both parties however Taemin had become much more composed from interviews and was able to hide it better. Taemin would simply smile sweetly, that heartbreaking smile that had haunted Jongin’s mind for all these years, and inquire as to how his days as a trainee were going. Sometimes even Taemin’s friendly group member Key would pop in to offer words of encouragement. It only served to weigh down Jongin’s spirits even more. It was like he was playing this constant game of catch up with Taemin and it infuriated Jongin to no end. 

But still Jongin had held out hope for their friendship. Taemin’s brief visits must have indicated that he still cared for the younger boy somewhat, or so Jongin liked to think. No, the real delivering blow had been in the summer of 2009. 

Jongin had been half listening to the other trainees while warming up for yet another dance session. He was exhausted after having foolishly made the mistake of staying up to watch an interview that Taemin was on. Jongin missed his friend terribly and if watching his friend on the television was the only means of seeing him, Jongin would gladly do it.

“Say did you hear?” Came one of the girls’ hushed whispers. The girls in Jongin’s session were the worst gossips ever and while he tried to ignore them, their piercing voices always managed to somehow get through to him.

“No what?” Jongin recognized the girl to be Amber. The other girl was Jinri or ‘Sulli’ as she demanded to be called now that they were in the last stages before their debut. They’d been coming to sessions less and less now that they were receiving private training. Amber was likeable, Jongin thought highly of her, Jinri however was one of those gossipy girls that he tried to ignore.

“It’s about Lee Taemin and Choi Minho oppa.” Jinri whispered, or at least attempted to because Jongin could hear her perfectly fine now. The boy stopped lacing up his sneakers and very subtly angled his body towards the two girls, interest piqued at hearing his friend’s name. 

“Oh god Jinri, really? What? What is your lover boy up to now?” Amber groaned, arms swooping overhead as she stretched out her back. 

“Amber!” Jinri’s faced burned as she quickly spun around to see if anyone had heard. Jongin managed to look away just in time. “Don’t say stuff like that aloud!”

“Please, it’s pretty obvious. So entertain me. What about Lee Taemin and Choi Minho?” Amber rolled her eyes and Jongin stilled, back tensing as he wanted to be sure to hear everything absolutely clearly. 

Time stopped for a moment then after Jinri uttered those words ever so softly off of her plump glossed lips. They spilled like water from her mouth, cold and malicious, as she replied in a scandalized voice.

“They’re fucking.”

Jongin’s heart skipped a beat for a moment there, memories of Minho’s intense glare burning into his mind as the older boy had walked off with his arm around Taemin. The pair had looked so comfortable together, Taemin was totally at ease as Minho practically manhandled him, but that had been two years ago. Jongin had brushed it off at the time, slightly annoyed at how Minho seemed to think that he owned Taemin, but apparently now he sort of did have claim to the auburn haired boy. 

“W-what?” Amber voiced the word that Jongin had not been able to utter.

“It’s true! Tiffany heard them messing around in the recording studio the other day. She wouldn’t lie about something like this! She was so embarrassed because apparently they were being really loud too!” Jinri bubbled and Amber just stared at the other girl in shock.

“J-Jinri… if you don’t know if it’s true, you shouldn’t be going around and spreading rumors like that.” 

“But it is true!” Jinri huffed, stamping her foot as the dance instructor walked in. “Tiffany heard it and everything. There was nothing to misunderstand! They’re together!”

“Alright everyone! Let’s line up for warm ups!” The instructor spoke and everyone was suddenly shifting around Jongin.

The boy had just sat there, staring straight ahead in a numb shock even when the others had prompted him on what was wrong. Jongin had somehow found himself at the nurse’s station, lying down on a cot, watching the ceiling as he wished to just disappear at that moment. 

“They’re dating?” Jongin whispered, closing his eyes and turning over. He pulled the blanket up under his nose and sighed a heavy sigh. 

“I knew Minho… but Taemin… he goes for that?” Jongin mumbled to himself, sinking lower under the safety of the blanket and willing his heart to stop feeling like it was breaking in two. Jongin’s throat had closed, he was no longer hungry although it was lunchtime, and felt unexplainably cold. 

The boy kept his eyes closed and concentrated on clearing his mind as he slowly began to feel sleep overtaking him. Jongin calmed himself, clamed himself so much that he almost didn’t hear his phone going off. 

“Uhh,” Jongin groaned, blindly grabbing his phone and flipping it open, “Hello?”

“Jonginnie!” A voice squealed over the phone and Jongin’s eyes snapped open immediately as he shot up in bed.

“T-Taemin?” Jongin blinked, Taemin being the last person he’d have expected to have called him at this point.

“Jongin.” Taemin whined, “I sent you a text message and you never responded. Where are you? It should be lunch break by now for you guys and well… we were in the area and were wondering if you’d want to join us for lunch?”

“We?” Jongin’s stomach felt sour.

“I’m paying, my treat.” Taemin’s voice laughed through the phone. “It was actually Key’s idea. You remember Key right? Kibum! But he’s Key now due to management. Anyways that’s beside the point! Come and meet us for lunch! I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“Tae, I don’t know.” Jongin frowned. 

“But… Jongin why?” Taemin’s cheerful tone was immediately dropped after hearing how grave Jongin sounded. Both boys were mirroring each other now if they could see one another. Jongin was sitting on the nurse’s cot, clutching his phone to his chest as he willed himself not to cry. Taemin was sitting on a bench outside the restaurant he’d wanted Jongin to meet him at, staring down at his phone in shock. Jongin had never passed on a chance to hang out with him, never. Taemin was surprised.

Jongin however was angry. This phone call just hurt. It was as if Taemin was just playing with Jongin’s feelings now, now that Jongin knew Taemin and Minho had a thing, now that Jongin knew he really had no chance with his childhood crush. Taemin had a career now, Minho had a career now, Jongin was still just a nobody with nothing to offer to a celebrity like Lee Taemin. It stung that Taemin had called him so shortly after discovering Taemin’s secret.

“Taemin.” Jongin swallowed as the only logical conclusion came to mind. 

It had all become painfully clear to Jongin now.

“Yeah?” Taemin still sounded like that bright-eyed child that Jongin used to run around the streets with.

“I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”

There was a silence.

Jongin bit his lip to keep any form of apology from leaving his lips, he would not allow himself to retract those words.

This needed to be done.

He had to end this before whatever _this_ was totally broke him apart.

“W-what?” Taemin spoke after a few moments. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch that last part.”

“I don’t think… no…. Taemin, we can’t be friends anymore.” Jongin’s tone was firm although his heart was an erratic mess in his ribcage. 

“Where is this coming from? Jonginnie, I don’t understand.” Taemin’s voice cracked over the phone, the sound harsh coming out from the mobile phone’s speakers, and Jongin rubbed his forehead.

“This had been a long time coming and you knew it. Good luck with your group, Taemin. I’m proud of you. You’re accomplishing your dream and that’s admirable.” 

“Jongin! Don’t do this! I don’t understand where this is coming from! You said you were my friend!” Taemin shouted and Jongin realized that the other boy was now crying. Unknowst to Jongin, there were tears streaming down his face as well. 

“Goodbye Taemin.” Jongin said softly before pulling away to stare down at his phone.

He could still hear the muffled noises of Taemin crying on the other end as Jongin let his thumb over the end call button. 

“Jongin!” Taemin’s voice shouted particularly loudly from the other end and Jongin pressed the button quickly.

Then all was silent as Jongin was left to reflect on what he’d done.

Nothing lasts forever. This was something Jongin of people knew too well. While a mountain is strong, time will eventually erode it away. Just as time had taken Jongin’s pet goldfish as a child, just as it had taken Jongin’s grandfather from him, just as Jongin had lost the body of a child that he’d resided in only to move into that of a young man’s, time had taken friendship away from Jongin. Taemin and he were becoming too different. They wanted different things. They viewed their relationship differently. 

Time had taken group members away from Jongin as well. The lineup of the original other eleven that Jongin had been paired up with had drastically changed with time. While some remained, others were let go, while some became close with Jongin, others had not. Three other boys along with Jongin still remained from the original roster: Chanyeol, Suho, and a boy named Sehun. Jongin and Sehun had become friends quickly. 

Time healed Jongin’s heartache. He avoided Taemin when he heard that SHINee was in the building, he hung out with his three friends on weekends, ate with them, trained with them, shared a common goal with them. 

Jongin’s love life had found hope again in 2011 when he met a Chinese boy named Luhan. Luhan was a cherubic boy with soft hair and a kind heart. Jongin had been immediately drawn to him as the boy had such a cheery outlook on life. But just as Jongin was starting to develop feelings for the other boy, Sehun had quickly stolen him away from Jongin. 

Jongin did not mind it much.

It was better so move through life with the least amount of complications as possible.

* * *

_Summer 2012_

They had done it.

After years of training and preparing, Jongin’s dream was realized. In spring of that year, Jongin had finally made his debut along with eleven other boys in a group of his own. 

He grown taller, he was no longer the awkward gangly boy that he once was while entering the company. He’d been groomed not only in appearance but also in how he carried himself. Jongin had began to speak his mind more, find time to laugh more, to smile more, to really enjoy himself in this special time. Jongin had left the old him behind and become someone new entirely… the stronghold dancing charismatic persona that SME had dubbed Kai. 

Jongin was no longer and he for that he was both grateful and fearful.

Debuting meant promoting and promoting apparently meant teaming up with a senior band to stir interest. As being the only boy band to debut since Taemin’s, it was only right that SHINee help create a stir about the new boy group that was known as EXO.

Years of practicing straight faces for interviews if unpleasant topics came up came in handy when Jongin was met with Taemin for the first time since they’d ended their friendship. Taemin had been awkward, awkward hugs and smiles, while Jongin had kept a tight smile on his face and acted as if nothing was wrong. They were on camera so Jongin at least had to hold up his new image. Taemin had been confused.

He’d sought out Jongin in the backroom, believing that he’d been forgiven after seeing how Jongin was all smiles in front of the camera, only to be coldly ignored once they were alone. 

This went on for some time. Taemin leaving pleading voicemails and text messages on Jongin’s phone, Jongin never responding to any of them, going along with this image that they were still best friends as the company liked to spin it. Jongin found refuge in his group members, their cheerful comradery helping him through those nights when Jongin almost cracked and picked up the phone when Taemin called.

Time went on until it became July. EXO had been met with great success after their debut and things had been going well until Jongin had discovered that Taemin had extended an invitation to him for his birthday party. Jongin had been unsure how to respond then and he was still somewhat in a daze when he found himself in front of the SM building where the party was to be held.

“Why of all places is the party here? Couldn’t he pick a better place?” The teen drawled, staring up the looming building before him.

Jongin released a sigh and contemplated coming up with some excuse about being sick to skip when someone clapped him roughly on the shoulder.

“Kai man!” Jonghyun’s loud voice caught him off guard.

“Ah!” Jongin jumped, startled out of his musings. 

“I didn’t know you were coming!” Jonghyun grinned, not seeming at all fazed. The shorter man held a small wrapped gift in his hands and Jongin wondered if his acting skills were good enough to fool Jonghyun into thinking that he was too sick to attend the party.

“Y-yeah.” Jongin found himself saying, “Taemin invited me.”

Jonghyun stared at him strangely, “Um yeah. I mean it is his party.”

“Yeah.” Jongin’s face burned. “Yeah I know.”

“Did you get him a gift?” Jonghyun peeked around Jongin in curiosity unable to spot any immediate present.

“The invitation said no gifts.” Jongin’s face burned even hotter and Jonghyun squinted at him in confusion.

“You should know how Taemin is about gifts by now. Every year he makes a big deal about telling people not to get him anything but then if you don’t, he’ll pout for the whole party! God, I remember the first year we celebrated Taemin’s birthday as a group! No one knew Tae was like that so when he said not to get him a gift, no one did! Aw Taemin was so upset! Well actually Minho had gone ahead and gotten him anyways so it wasn’t all too bad. We learned our lesson for the following year.” Jonghyun rambled on in happy conversation, not at all noticing how Jongin kept shrinking in on himself with every word.

“I didn’t actually get him a gift.” 

“Huh?”

“I didn’t get him a gift. I don’t normally get Taemin gifts.” Jongin confessed shrugging slightly.

“Ah.” Jonghyun realized Jongin’s uncomfortable stance. “Well it’s okay man! If that’s something you two do then Tae shouldn’t mind at all!”

“Besides I’m sure Minho got him a gift.” Jongin muttered, or so he thought.

“Actually Minho isn’t coming.” Jonghyun was watching Jongin strangely again.

“He’s not? Isn’t he Taemin’s- I mean he’s one of Taemin’s friends so why wouldn’t he?” Jongin wasn’t sure how aware Jonghyun was of the pair’s relationship so he didn’t want to say too much.

“Minho is filming a drama right now so he can’t make it. Taemin’s a little bummed about that but he’ll be fine now that his best friend is here!” Jonghyun slung his arm around Jongin’s shoulders and began guiding him into the building.

“Let’s go wish the little mushroom head a happy birthday, huh? Besides,” Jonghyun tugged the hat he was wearing further down on his head, “I think some fans followed me here because I couldn’t shake this one car.”

“Oh yeah.” Jongin wrinkled his nose as some unpleasant memories of his own fan experiences came to mind, “I get you.”

* * *

Taemin was drunk… or so Jongin would like to think so.

It was later that night. The party had gone off smoothly as it only consisted of a small group of other artists, some family, and of course the management staff team. They’d cut a cake, sang happy birthday to Taemin, and those that knew the boy well enough had exchanged gifts. Then once the formalities were done, they’d headed out to the clubs.

Jongin had lost track of time. He’d mainly kept to himself throughout the whole ordeal, in fact he hadn’t even spoken to Taemin one-on-one, as he now found himself sitting in an isolated booth at the club. He was on the second floor, able to look down to the dance floor below and observe quietly by himself, as their group dispersed into the crowd. 

Jongin was alone. Not that he minded, he preferred it actually in lieu of an awkward situation where he would be forced to participate and make pretend that all was fine in the world. Because all was most certainly not fine in the world. It was not fine when Jongin had to pretend that Taemin and he were still best friends. It was not fine that he had to smile widely as Taemin cut the cake and blew out the candles. It was not fine that Taemin had managed to wrangle Jongin into this situation at all. 

And it was most certainly not fine when Taemin somehow found Jongin’s hiding place and sat down besides him.

“Jonginnie!” Taemin sang, eyes unfocused as he smiled goofily. “I found you! You were hiding, tricky, tricky, tricky, but I found you!”

“Ugh Taemin.” Jongin winced at the heavy smell of alcohol on the other boy’s breath.

“Jonginnie.” Taemin hummed, shifting closer in the booth so that their thighs were pressed together. Taemin fumbled with Jongin’s hands and pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles.

“Jongin.” Taemin’s eyes found his, “Are you still mad at me?”

“Taemin.” Jongin sighed, looking away.

“You are.” Taemin squeezed his hands, “I knew it. I knew it! You are still mad at me! Why Jongin, Jonginnie, JongJong? Why are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you. But Taemin, you know perfectly well why we can’t be friends anymore.” Jongin pulled his hands from the others and scooted further away to put some distance between them. Jongin couldn’t take this. Not when Taemin was wearing smoky eye makeup, not when Taemin was pleading with Jongin so sweetly, not when Jongin hadn’t been close to his friend in so long.

“Is it because I left you in that shithole?” Taemin titled his head, hand shooting out and digging his nails into Jongin’s wrist. The younger boy hissed and tried to pry the elder’s grip off of him but Taemin wouldn’t let go.

“Taemin let go! That hurts. Fuck!” Taemin stared intensely at the younger and dug his nails in deeper.

“Or is it because I won’t let you fuck me?”

Jongin froze at those last words, back stiffening, as he shakily turned and looked in friend in the face. Taemin wore a blank expression, eyes clearer now, as he loosened his grip revealing crescent moons on Jongin’s wrist.

“That’s it isn’t it.” Taemin sang softly, a sly smile crossing his face.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. Where would you get a stupid idea like that? You know why I don’t want to be friends with you anymore. It’s because you lie, it’s because you break promises, and it’s because-”

“It’s because I won’t let you fuck me.” Taemin interrupted as the club music pounded around them. It was far too loud for anyone to hear what they were talking about and they were far too secluded for anyone to find them. That’s what scared Jongin the most.

“T-Taemin.” Jongin’s face burned and Taemin giggled cutely.

“That’s it isn’t it? That’s what it’s always been about.” Taemin moved closer, nuzzling his head under Jongin’s and smelling his neck. Jongin sat up straighter, wanting to flee but unable to as Taemin slinked his way into the other’s lap.

“That’s why you never liked it when I made other friends. That’s why you were so desperate and scared when I told you that I was leaving you behind. You didn’t want to lose me.” Taemin pressed a soft kiss to Jongin’s jaw and the younger shivered.

“It’s not.” Jongin’s mind was spinning now, body breaking out in a cold sweat.

“Aw Jongin.” Taemin wrapped his arms around the boy’s neck and looked him in the eyes, “It is and that’s why you hate Choi Minho so much.”

“I don’t hate him.”

“Liar.” Taemin’s eyes glimmered something venomous then and Jongin didn’t like this new side to his friend that he was seeing. The Taemin he knew was kind and sweet and considerate. The boy sitting in his lap before him was someone that Jongin no longer knew.

“Does it piss you off to know that I’m his?” Taemin swiveled his legs around and straddled the boy. Jongin gasped, pants tightening as Taemin began to grind down into him.

“N-no.” Jongin’s hands came to rest on Taemin’s waist.

“Does it piss you off to know that he fucked me? That he likes fucking me?” Taemin moaned softly as his groined collided with Jongin’s, equally as aroused. 

“No.” Jongin gritted, mind screaming at him to shove Taemin off but body screaming to pull him closer.

“Does it piss you off to know that Minho likes to do it hard? Oh yeah, he likes to do it really rough and hard. Sometimes…” Taemin’s breath hitched and Jongin gasped, hips bucking upwards, “Sometimes I can’t walk properly the next day.”

“T-Taemin! Stop!” Jongin gasped, hips moving upwards in a series of shallow thrusts now as Taemin screwed his body downwards in a sinful manner. Then the older boy was wrapping his arms around Jongin’s neck and pulling him close.

Jongin breathed heavily for a moment, letting it sink in as Taemin pressed their bodies together in a hug, shivering as Taemin licked across his earlobe. 

“Mm Jongin,” Taemin panted, lips caressing the shell of his ear, “Does it piss you off to know that sometimes I don’t shower afterwards? That I just let Minho’s claim stay in me all day, sometimes even if we have a performance that day.”

Jongin gaped at Taemin’s smug expression. Taking in everything from how then Taemin’s lips pursed to how then the boy was moving forward with the intention of claiming Jongin’s mouth.

Jongin wouldn’t let him.

“Enough.” Jongin abruptly stood and shoved Taemin from him to the floor. The older boy yelped, scowling up at the younger in drunken lust-driven confusion.

“What the fuck?” Taemin’s eyes narrowed and Jongin gritted his teeth.

This had to stop. But no, this time for real, Jongin had to put an end to this once and for all.

“No, Taemin. What the fuck to you. What the fuck? What the fuck do you think that you are doing? I am not your toy! I am not just something that you can throw around and play with when it best suits you! I’m a human being and you were friend.” Jongin felt the tears coming to his eyes but they quickly went away. Anger was fueling him now.

“I’m fed up with trying to make things right with you because there’s nothing left of your friendship to save! I liked you, Taemin. I still like you! It’s going to be hard to get over that but I’d much rather be alone than to be with someone as deceitful and manipulative as you!”

“J-Jongin!” Taemin gasped.

“No, I’m not finished! I used to think so highly of you when we were younger and look at you now. Look at what you’ve let yourself become! Why did you act like everything was alright when I first showed up at the studio that day?” Jongin demanded, hands curled into fists at his sides.

“W-what?”

“Why did you act like everything was okay when I first showed up at SME? Why did you act like that night at the park did not happen? Why?” Jongin shouted but the bass in the club was louder.

“Because I missed you! I did, Jongin! I missed you! You are my best friend. I wanted to make it up to you. I love you.” Taemin made a move as if to draw closer but Jongin stepped backwards.

“You love Choi Minho.” He fixed the elder with a hard stare. “Don’t even try to deny it. I’ve seen how you two are, in interviews, on stage. Using that line won’t work on me.”

“I love Minho too. I love you both. Is that so bad?” Taemin got to his feet and crossed his arms across his body. “I know you love me. I know you want me and I want you too right now. I want you so bad, Jonginnie.”

“You can’t have us both. That’s not fair, not to him nor to me.” 

“But Minho’s not here right now. You can have me, just like you always wanted!” Taemin’s eyes were swimming but Jongin had no sympathy left. That sad tearful face would no longer work on him.

“Goodbye Taemin. Next time we see each other, don’t bother pretending that we are best friends.” Jongin turned to leave and a sob escaped Taemin’s throat.

“Jongin! J-Jongin, don’t go! Jongin please!” Taemin called but the boy was already making his way towards the stairs.

“Jongin?” Taemin’s voice shrieked and Jongin only hurried down the stairs faster as he heard Taemin break into tears. 

“Jongin? Jongin! JONGIN!”

* * *

_Summer 2002_

“Hyung, who was that girl you were playing with today at recess?” Jongin whispered.

It was late at night, a Friday night be exact, and the pair had decided to stay at the Lee’s residence for their weekly slumber party. The two boys were currently curled up under a futon together, a long forgotten dubbed Disney movie playing on the VCR in the background, when Jongin mustered up the courage to ask Taemin about his new friend.

“She’s just some girl that I met at the park. She’s nice so she should play with you too.” Taemin yawned, eyes starting to surrender to sleep. 

“Do you like her?” Jongin’s eyes were wide.

“Hmm. Yeah she’s nice.” Taemin buried further and released a sigh. The boy’s knee bumped Jongin’s and he could feel the still healing scar on Taemin’s knee. 

“Do you like her more than me?” Jongin pressed and Taemin cracked an eye open.

“Jonginnie I don’t like anyone more than you.” Taemin stroked his friend’s face before closing his eyes once more. “I want to go to sleep. I’m tired.”

“Yeah?”

“Hmm.” Taemin hummed in response before the boy’s breathing evened out.

Jongin lay there for a moment, curled up under that futon with his best friend Lee Taemin, and thought some very mature thoughts for a boy at such a young age.

While Taemin’s words were meant to be reassuring, Jongin did not feel anymore at ease. They were getting older now, other kids in the class had started wanting to play with them at recess more. People were curious about the two boys that always kept to themselves at recess, some even thought them to be brothers they were so close, but it seemed that Taemin was curious about people existing outside of his world with Jongin as well. 

Jongin knew this. He knew that he couldn’t keep Taemin to himself forever. He knew there would come a time when more people would enter their private world and want to befriend them. He even knew and was fearful of the possibility that Taemin might even like these new friends more than Jongin. Jongin knew all of this.

He just hoped that he’d be ready for when that day came.


End file.
